Evidence:

1. I had to go on travel for business, which is generally inconvenient and tiring, but mostly unavoidable.
2. My flight was slightly delayed, but not excessively so. I played a video game on my computer to fill the extra time. A 6- or 7-year-old kid noticed and stood next to my chair watching intently. All I could think about was what my son will be like at that age.
3. The same kid was sitting in the row behind me and was dramatically overtired and very upset. I broke out the same game on the flight and he stood in the aisle of the airplane watching me and it calmed him down. The family also had an infant, so I was glad to give them a break.
4. I had two messages when I arrived. #1: my wife calling me to say that a pipe burst at my son's day care so she is home with him all day tomorrow.
5. The second message was the call from the school telling me that pipe burst. Glad I didn't get that one first.
6. There were several put-out people waiting in the car rental kiosk because they didn't want minivans and that was all that was left. I told the guy I didn't care and he smiled and said "we have an Explorer for you".
7. I agree that when the car stub stays FORD EXPR, guessing Explorer is reasonable. However, it was actually a Ford Express, which is a full-size van that could easily seat 11. It could probably fit a Explorer inside of it. I drove it anyway because I didn't want to be one of the put-out people.
8. I arrived at my hotel and got to my room with no issue. While the card worked fine and the door opened, it was immediately stopped by the little hinge thing that prevents unauthorized access. As far as I know, the room was vacant, i.e. no one jumped up and started shouting about who was barging in at 11:30 at night, so the whole thing had kind of a ship-in-a-bottle quality to it. I spent more time wondering how it was possible than caring about the inconvenience. Does this happen a lot? Was it intentional, like some misguided practical joke by the previous tenant? I will never know.
9. The front desk was very apologetic and upgraded me to one of the "executive" rooms. He pointed me to some elevators off to the side that I had not noticed before. Unfortunately, this appears to be the only perk, your own set of elevators. Well, unless you count the hideous two-color silver/gold faucets, and the fact that your door has some kind of weird engraved pineapple insignia on it. I kid you not.  I figured I would at least get two bathrooms.

So here I sit in my "executive" room with the party van parked nearby, instead of at home with my son and wife. My hat's off to you universe.  I have absolutely no idea what to expect from the rest of this trip.